The 7 Deadly Sues
by crazychic111
Summary: Just like the title says, there will be 7 sues. Zim, Gir, Nny, Dib, Mmy, and The Tallest will each get the perfect, mind controlling Mary Sue, with a special twist at the end, of course.
1. 1st is the worst, but 2nd is still bad

**I thought of this when I was on the bus, going to school! This is basically going to make fun of all of those Mary Sues out there. Everyone has written them (come on, confess) I'm not trying to make fun of anybody in particular, just the character. If I do happen to use the same name as one of your characters, it is 100% on accident. Zim, Gir, Nny, Dib, Mmy, and The Tallest are all going to have the perfect Sues, that will "change them forever". But theres a twist ending at the last chapter!**

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Somewhere in deep space

"Invader Miz, you have been assigned to planet Earth, to enslave the human race.", said Tallest Red

"While you there, do you mind destroying an Irken by the name of Zim.", asked Tallest Purple

Red gave him a nudge, "I...mean...er...help him destroy Earth...here are the coordinations."

And they sent Invader Miz (A/N: Has anyone noticed yet that Miz's name is "Zim" spelled backwards?) off on a 6 month journey.

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2 months later

"I'll get you alien scum!"

"You will never get the almighty ZIM!"

Zim and Dib were at it again. For unknown reasons, Dib was chasing Zim in the park, and no, this was not a friendly game of tag. Suddenly, Zim pulled out a laser and tried shooting at Dib, and quickly ran home.

* * *

4 months later (A/N: I'm starting to see a pattern here)

Driving a Voot Cruiser for 6 months was hard. Just them something moved in the back of the ship. Miz whipped around and carefully moved around to the back of the ship. Out popped a SIR unit it had pink eyes and other pink details. (A/N: I didn't see that one coming...)

"Oh! Hello! Whats your name?", asked Miz

"TIA reporting for duty" (A/N: was I drunk when thinking of that name?)

"OK...look TIA it's Earth, how absolutely amazing!"

As they landed they saw the funniest looking house.

"This must be Zim's house, TIA! How covenant it is that we landed right in front of it!"

* * *

I heard the doorbell ring.

"WHO DARES TO BOTHER ZIM!"

I opened the door, very annoyed, but when I saw who it was my jaw dropped. A beautiful Irken female stepped in. She was my size. Her curly antennas bounced as she walked, her misty, purple eyes looked around slowly, she looked...perfect. (A/N: I wonder why?) Then, out of nowhere, a flash of pink light blinded me for a second. When my sight returned I saw a SIR unit that looks almost exactly like GIR, except pink.

"Hello, you must be Zim, I'm Miz. The Tallest sent me here to help you.", her voice was like silk.

I closed the door before I started speaking, but GIR came running in.

"Who's your friends mastah?"

"I'm Miz and this is Tia", Miz pushed Tia forward a little bit, "go on a play Tia, while I talk (A/N: like thats all there gonna be doing) to Zim."

Zim and Miz spent the rest of the day together, while Gir and Tia spent the day in the kitchen making soap-waffles. Zim and Miz found themselves in the park, under the moon. (A/N: the things I do for laughs)

"So...Miz, tomorrow we can think of new ways to destroy the Earth! We'll be a great team!"

Miz had this sad look on her face, Zim knew that he had said something wrong. (A/N: that's nothing new)

"Zim...I...I don't really want to be an invader. Don't you think it's wrong to enslave or kill so many people?" (A/N: AHHHH! THIS IS WHEN SHE STARTS USING HER MIND CONTROLLING SUE POWERS!)

"Yes! I do think it's wrong! We should stop and make friends with the humans!"

Miz smiled and leaned in and gave Zim a quick kiss (A/N: I thought Irkens can't feel love. Everything I know is a lie!) Zim grabbed Miz's hand and ran back to his base to do some helping-the-world stuff.

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**Yep, that was Zim and Gir's Sue, now they are beginning their magical love adventure! Next up is Nny! Please review, cause if you don't I'M GONNA GO ALL JOHNNY ON YOU!**


	2. Bad Boy Gone Good

**OH! I forgot to put the disclaimer in the first chapter! PLEASE DON'T SUE ME MR. VASQUEZ! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any IZ or JtHM characters! **

**OK everyone! Time for Nny's Mary Sue! Why am I putting exclamation points after every sentence! I'll stop now...**

* * *

"Common Jo! Dance!", screeched my friend Ema

"Not now, I'm not feeling so well...I think I'm going to go home...", I said as I walked out of the dance club. It was about 12:30am and I wanted to crawl up in my bed and read. I didn't sleep much because I had insomnia. (A/N: GASP) I am tall and very skinny, even though I ate as much as the next guy. My hair was a black-blue color, like somebody punched it. I was walking along the dark sidewalks when I heard a small noise. I whipped around, nothing. (A/N: Or something!)

"This lack of sleep is getting to me...", I sighed and kept walking. Suddenly, a wave of darkness swept over me and I blacked out.

* * *

When I woke up I felt like shit. I looked around, I was tied to a weird machine thing. (A/N: Get ready for a really long conversation everyone!)

"HEY...WHO...WHERE AM I? WHO'S THERE?", I was getting very scared, my body ached.

"Stop yelling, it annoys me."

I stupidly looked down, and there, was a creepy looking guy.(A/N: But then again, look who's talking.)

"Where am I?", I said, much more calmly

"Just another room in the world..."

"Listen, that's real swell and all, but can you please tell me why I'm here?"

"Oh, no specific reason. I just needed to feed the wall."

"Um...last time I checked walls don't eat." (A/N: YOU KNOW NOTHING!)

The crazy guy laughed, "What I meant was the thing behind the wall will escape if I don't keep the wall wet with human blood."

"Blood! But I didn't do anything to you!" (A/N: Your alive, that's bad enough!)

"I didn't grab anyone in particular today, it's just I haven't feed the wall in a few weeks and the thing is pushing through."

"So...is that the only reason why you have all these torture devises here?"

"No, I usually I just pick the people that don't deserve to live."

I raised an eyebrow, "Who made you the judge of humanity?"

He smirked, "My names Johnny, but since we're having such an interesting conversation, you can call me Nny."

"Uh...my name is Jo...listen...have you've ever tried to go a counselor?"

"No, they brainwash you! Asking the same questions over and over again!" (A/N: A life lesson for the kids.)

"What are you afraid of? I bet if you got the right help, you could live a normal life!" (A/N: And YOU can get a life!)

"Why are you trying to help me, can't you see that you are going to die anyway?"

"Haven't you've ever thought about the lives you could be ruining? How many mothers you have killed and torn away from there children? How many sons will never see there fathers again?" (A/N: That's right, sprinkle your Sue dust...)

"..."

"I bet if you let me go I could help you...you're a little insane." (A/N: No really?)

Nny took his knife and cut the locks loose and walked upstairs, Jo following slowly.

3 weeks later

Nny's Pov

_Dear Die-ary,_

_ Lately, I haven't felt the need to kill as much. Rev. Meat also stopped talking altogether. Is it because of Jo? _(A/N: More like the crazed fan girl behind this story) _Is that even possible...for me to feel love?_

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**I admit, this chapter was just a little more realistic than the last one, but that would still probably NEVER happen. Jo and Nny would start dating and Nny gave up killing all together (like I said NEVER.) Up next is Dib, The paranormal investigator!**


	3. Paranormal Buddy!

**Last chapter I based Nny's conversation with Jo with Nny's conversation with Edgar! Micah the Homicidal Maniac was the only who got that, and if other people got it but didn't review...THEN YOU DON'T GET A MENTION! And if you did realize AND reviewed...well...I forgive you.**

**Time for Dib! I have only one thing to say, look away Invader Nav, look away...**

* * *

_Okay, I'm hot on his trail. Don't lose him this time Jen. _I was following a boy by the name of Dib. He isn't an average human, I could tell. Not only that, his head was WAY to big for a regular human anyway. My long black trench coat was blowing in the wind as I ran, my jet black hair whipped around my face. I looked up from my notebook.

"HE'S GONE!", I yelled angrily

I whipped around to go home, but I was met face to face with...Dib. (A/N: How did he get there?)

"Why are you always following me?", he asked

I couldn't think of anything to say. He raised an eyebrow at me and waited for me to respond.

"W-what are you?", was all I could manage to say.

"Um...human...my name's Dib...Why exactly are you always following me?" (A/N: STALKER!)

"Sorry...I thought you were some sort of..."

"What?"

"I don't know...alien, ghost,BIG FOOT! Except with a big head." (A/N: LIKE A HIPPO, THAT HEAD!)

"MY HEADS NOT B-wait...you believe in the paranormal?"

"Ever since I was a baby. By the way, my name's Jen."

"WOW! Another believer! Have you've ever heard of the Swollen Eyeball Network? My name is Agent Mothman. It's a really cool Network were-"

"I know what it is...I'm a member. I am Agent Fire Spirit. And you really shouldn't be talking about them out loud...it's suppose to stay a secret..." (A/N: I think Dib has told like...10 people already...)

"Right...secret...I have a bad habit of saying things out loud."

"Really? Me too." (A/N: Me Too!...nope...)

"Do you wan't to help me spy on this alien named _Zim_?"

"There's an alien...here?"

Dib grabbed my hand and pulled me off to Zim's house.

Hours Later

"I've finally got enough evidence to prove that Zim's an alien! And it's thanks to you Mary Sue...I mean Jen!", Dib said excitedly

"Your welcome Dib!", I said, dragging tied-up-Zim along the hard ground.

"Once the Eyeball Network sees this, they'll have to believe me!"

"It wasn't that hard actually, I already magically knew exactly what to do." (A/N: Psh...show off)

"This is great! Together we'll make a great team!", Dib said, his face glowing with pride.

"LET ME GO FILTHY HUMANS!", Zim shouted angrily, of course, I didn't let him go.

* * *

**Jen and Dib later went on to kill werewolves, capture Bigfoot, and take over the Irken race. Zim...well he got dissected and died. Just to make one thing clear, all of these chapters are separate stories, so in this, Zim doesn't have his Mary Sue. BUT it will all come together in the last chapter. Up next is the Tallest! Also, this was kind off...a very slow love for Dib, I wasn't going to make them kiss because Dib is only in what...5th grade? I know this was short but that's kind of the point, it shows how fast Mary Sue's work their magic!...No I'm lying, it's short because ninjas came to my house and threatened me, if I didn't listen, they would banish me to Narnia...but is that really a bad thing? Don't forget to review!**


	4. Doughnut Love

**Hi guys! Sorry about taking so long to update, no I was not on vacation, I was to busy studying for Finals at school! I didn't even have time to go on the computer at all! Actually, I should be studying now, but during classes I was writing down this chapter in my free time, so, when I finished it I thought I should just type it up really fast, AND I DID! But, if it makes you happy I will sit in the corner for the rest of this chapter. So now, I give you, Doughnut Love!**

Doughnut Love

The two beautiful female Irkens walked down the long hallway. As the Massive's finest doughnut chefs, they got a lot of respect, and the fact that they were almost as tall as the Tallest themselves helped. They were walking back to the kitchen when Pink, munching on a doughnut, stopped.

"Hey…I think I forgot to turn off the oven."

Yellow froze, she had told Pink to turn off the oven hours ago. You see, Pink didn't have a lot of brains (A/N: LIKE PURPLE), that is why Yellow and Pink were always seen together, so Yellow could stop her from doing something stupid… like forgetting to turn off the oven. Instead of scolding Pink for being a moron, she sprinted down the hallway, leaving Pink to munch on her snack. When Yellow burst into the kitchen she almost fainted, 1,597 doughnut were somewhere in the thick fog of smoke. These doughnuts were for celebrating the Tallest's ingenious plan for getting rid of Zim. Yellow and Pink never really got why the Tallest had been so mean to Zim. He had always been so loyal, stupid, but loyal. (A/N: Oh, and the fact that he blew up half of his planet too.) But this was no time for pitying other Irkens, Yellow quickly ran into the cloud of smoke and turned the oven off. Just then, Pink walked in and sighed, "Now look what you did…" Yellow only growled.

"YEAH, BRING ON THE DOUGHNUTS!" yelled Tallest Purple. After feasting on snacks for over an hour, the Almighty Tallest were ready for their last course, the doughnuts. A tall (A/N: But not as tall as the Tallest of course.) Irken walked up to Red and whispered something, and angry look sweped across his face. As he turned to talk to his excited friend, Purple's face went from a 'super-happy-kid-with-candy' look to a 'kid-that-just-got-his-candy-taken-away-and-replaced-with poison' look.

"You're an idiot!" Yellow scolded Pink, as they went to meet their fate.

Pink sighed, "Well how was I supposed to know to turn off the oven?"

Yellow did not bother to answer, she stopped at two huge doors and waited for the guards to let her in. She shivered as the doors opened and the Tallest stood waiting for them.

"Are you the Irkens who burned our dough-wow…you two are tall, aren't you?" said Purple

Yellow was to stunned to speak, she had thought the Tallest would have been angrier. But Pink jumped at the opportunity to say something, "Yep, we sure are, AND we are the best doughnut makers in the universe. So if you kill us you would also be killing the best doughnuts in the universe!". Yellow was sure glad Pink said something, because now the Tallest were thinking hard.

Purple pulled Red out of earshot, "We shouldn't kill them, I still really want those doughnuts."

"Yeah, and I feel like if we kill them, we would be ruining a great plot in an amazing story.", answered Red, Purple nodded in agreement.

Red walked up to Pink, "What are your names?"

"I'm Yellow and this is Pink."

"Well, it's your lucky day, we have decided not to kill you, congratulations.", said Purple, walking up to them.

Yellow and Pink kept on making doughnuts for the Tallest, then, one day, they decided to ask the Tallest a question.

"Why do you find it so funny to torture Zim?" asked Yellow, handing Red a doughnut. (A/N: That is probably the hundredth time I wrote doughnut…)

"Because…um…it's fun!" said Purple with his mouth full.

"Well you shouldn't do that, IT'S MEAN!" Yelled Pink

Purple turned to Red, "OMG there so perfect and even though we're the Tallest we, like, totally think they're hot and are going to stop torturing Zim!" (A/N: That was a present to 'Tallest Red', I was reading my reviews when I saw 'Tallest Red's' comment and I thought it HALARIOUS, so 'TALLEST RED' GETS A COOKIE AND A FLYING MONKEY!)

Then, penguins flew around the room and confetti fell from the sky!

***Gets up from the corner* There you go! I might not be updating for a while because of school *cries* so cheer me up by reviewing! Up next is Mmy!…This will be hard to write…**


	5. And the Last Mary Sue Goes To

**Hey…guess what? I'M UPDATING! Sorry about the long wait, I've been pretty busy all summer, and didn't get a chance to update. Did you here about Hurricane Irene? Well, since there's a chance I might die, I thought I should at least give you an update.**

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Disclaimer- As hard as I might try, I will never become Jhonen Vasquez. ALSO, I forgot to do this last chapter, the credit for the Tallest's Mary Sue names goes to Invader Nav. And, because of a request from Insanely ADD, I have named the Mary Sue Anni, so all of the credit for Anni goes to Insanely ADD.

Anni sighed, it looked like a perfect night to stroll down a dark, damp, and possibly dead end ally. Brushing her medium green and blond hair out of her eyes, she walked down the alleyway. Her black and silver high heeled boots would occasionally step in puddle of, well, was hopefully Kool-Aid, but she didn't mind. As the magical force behind this story would have it, the ally was indeed, a dead end. Anni turned around and started to walk back when she had the strangest feeling that she was being watched. Suddenly, a strong hand gripped her shoulder and a cloth was pushed against her face. (A/N: Chloroform anyone?)

~X~

Anni woke up and held her pounding head. As her green eyes adjusted, she found that she was a very large cage. The trapped girl stood up and straightened her black, lace skirt. Anni started to laugh a dark, evil chuckle. Clearly her kidnapper had not done enough research about her. Anni always had her magic weapon with her, a sparkly, banana nut muffin! (A/N: Yes you read correctly :D) She held it up to the lock on the cage door and it swung open. Carefully, Anni stepped out and took in her surroundings, it looked like she was in a basment. Anni made her way up the stairs and down a hallway, thinking she was homebound, Anni failed to hear footsteps heading her way.

"What the hell?", Asked Jimmy, dropping a box holding unknown materials in it, "YOU! HOW DID YOU GET OUT OF YOUR CAGE?"

Now Anni was screwed, She looked closely at her captor. If he hadn't kidnapped her and possibly raped her, she would probably think he was kind of cute. (A/N: For the record I DO NOT think Jimmy is..._cute )_So she did the only thing she could think of...punch him in the face.

Jimmy slamed against the wall. _How is that possible?_, he thought,_ she clearly couldn't have been that srtong! It just was NOT logical! And now, some unknown force was probably laughing at him...SHE IS GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!_

The perverted man grabbed a knife from a nearby table and took a fighting stance. As Jimmy looked at the girl he realized that...well...she was hot! He was not going to let her escape! Jimmy saw that the girl had pulled out a weapon and was also prepared to fight for her freedom. He looked closer, and raised an eyebrow in the air.

"What are you holding?", Jimmy asked

"Oh! This is my magic banana nut muffin!", Anni answered.

While Jimmy was trying to find a suitable answer to that strange comment, Anni had devised a wonderfull plan.

"So whats your name?", the green eyes girl asked, "Mine is Anni."

Jimmy was snapped out his thoughts when the girl spoke. "Um...I'm Jimmy, but I guess you can call me Mmy"

Anni took a step closer, "I think instead of fighting we should go out sometime."

You see, Jimmy was not use to being asked out on dates by strangly perfect girls like Anni. He was very uncertain, but shook his head yes.

Not only was Anni pretty, but she was also very smart. As soon as her date was over, she would never see Jimmy's face again...no matter how handsome it was...

* * *

**But Anni went on many more dates with Jimmy and by sprinkling her Mary Sue dust around, Jimmy became ****a doctor and regularly volunteers at homless shelters. **

**One more chapter to go and this story will be finished!**

**See that blue button down there? You should click it and it will bring good fortune to your family.**


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